.the balance.

Both the good and bad work together
The ups and downs strike
Life steadies itself on the heels of light
And through it all we shine

Whether here or there
Having only what’s required
Or having spare
It is in selfishness, we avoid sacrifice
It is with love, we share

We have only so much time
For the positive to outweigh the negative
For a sense of peace to overshadow frustration
For happiness to outshine sorrow
This is the strength in living, counted in heartbeats and breaths
This strength outnumbering both pain and spiritual death

New life is given as it is taken away
New burdens to bear, new risks to take
If God gives us a test, whether great or small
It is with love, we carry on

.words unsaid.

Even though I miss you, I swallow my pride
I do what I have to do, shed my tears at night
Wishing I could hold you but
You’re only mine half the time

Night after night, I keep you safe
While you’re dreaming of someone in another place

She gets your love, I get your smile
You take your shoes off here, you stay for a while
Your hands gently twirl my hair
But your heart is steady beating over there

Night after night, I keep your love light
While you’re dreaming of this Mrs. Right

I give you all, I meet your needs
I see the things that only you see
She gets your always, I get what’s left
I get tomorrow, she gets the rest

Night after night, I am your best
While you’re dreaming of someone else

You’re already gone when you’re with me
Waiting on her in my bed
Speaking silently, words unsaid
I love you still
But we aren’t real
Speaking silently, words unsaid

Are you blind, does she feed your mind?
You take your clothes off here, feels like you’re mine
We share a laugh and stars align
A hug and we both unwind

I’m the one who’s with you; I’m the one who cares
You’re still dreaming of someone who’s never there

You’re already gone when you’re with me
Waiting on her in my bed
Speaking silently, words unsaid
I love you still
This can’t be real
Speaking silently, words unsaid

.peace of mind.

peace

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. – Buddha

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. – Buddha

Often, I am reminded of how simple life can be – perhaps, how simple life should be. Having an encouraging family, a devoted group of friends and a little love is sometimes all someone needs to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Sure, we all have goals that extend beyond that – things we need to work and strive for, things that will take time, patience and effort, but the best things by far, are the ones that need little except an open mind and heart.

Again, I was reminded by my family and friends recently of how what we’ve been blessed with today is already good enough. I understand we have bigger oceans to cross, longer journeys to take – yet, we realize that we’ve already been given much, perhaps more than we deserve. Just because we all want more doesn’t mean that what we currently have is of little value. It sometimes changes my entire attitude to hear the laughter, conversations and happiness of the people in my life who have chosen to appreciate the present, instead of living in the past or in constant worry of the future.

Albeit slow and steady, I want to obtain a certain (even more peaceful) lifestyle – find a new, productive way of channeling my energy, meditate and pray regularly, write more and treat myself better overall. I realize that sometimes I worry that at 29, I should have more or be more, but I know I can accomplish anything as long as God allows me to do it with a sound mind. It could all be as simple as giving thanks in the morning, calling up your mom or dad for a word of encouragement, hugging a friend without reservation, or sitting quietly in your own contentment. It could all be as simple as taking a few deep breaths and reminding yourself how blessed you are.

Recently, I have been spending time thinking about the people who let their mind run away without them. I know many may not agree, but the way I see it – one can choose the calm over calamity or peace over anguish. Too many people choose complexity over simplicity, only because they are afraid of the strength that kind of freedom will give them. Not me. Not for the life I would like to live. Not now, not ever will I choose that kind of mental chaos.

More people are prisoners of their own mind than they are of the system. I will always choose to be joyful – I choose to never be bound.

Rie

.ripening.

When we are born a process begins
A ripening of sorts
A developing – growing
A gathering of the harvest
A cleaning, a sorting, a packing, and a sending away
We are all different, we inevitably change

Life is such
A ripening of sorts
That when we are young people
We are too firm and uneven
Sometimes colorless and thirsty
We are sometimes bitter or tasteless
Having had few experiences to process life

There are fields and gardens full
Of the unprepared
Of the immature
Of early stage fruits
Isn’t it something?
That when we ripen
We become softer
More colorful
Our flesh becomes juicy and tender
Our hearts, sweeter
We grow more fragrant and beautiful under the pressure
Of oxygen
Of hardships
Of existence

We become seasoned
Advanced in years, in understanding, in disposition
As we ripen, provisions are being made for us to reach our full potential
To be fully-developed
To reach our ultimate fullness
For possibilities to ooze gracefully from our pores
To give off sweet smells and sweet traces and kindness
Or change the world as we are cut or bitten
But somehow never devoured

Isn’t it something?
That we age to become better
We grow to become greater
We endure to become stronger
To fulfill our purpose and die?
Or could it be that we decay to reach perfection?
That we spoil to reach completeness?

To die is not in vain, if you have, in ripening
Planted a seed
A life given back is unending
It is but a venture to a second beginning
Isn’t it something?

We over-complicate the small things
And pressure ourselves to reach the unattainable
How our own personal best is never good enough
Yet, this process is developing greatness
Our very being having already been designed for goodness
We overthink God’s practices
But he’s promised one thing for sure
That as we ripen, we become
We become, and then it’s done.

.muted.

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”

“And I would be the moon spoken over your beckoning flesh, breaking against reservations, beaching thought, my hands at your high tide, over and under inside you, and the passing of hungers, attended…forgotten.”

Audre Lorde (1934-92)

Silence consumes me
It devours the words that try to describe, this feeling
Words that will either change the face of forever
or cut a blissful future short
Silence digests my passion
And spits my lyrics just far enough that my lips can’t reach them

How do you say I have been waiting for you?

I attempt to dig them up
Dig my words out of quiet despair
But misery is far too deep for hands
Or shovel
Or happiness
Silence has buried all my cheerful desires
In clay that’s hardening from peaceful rain and sweet sweat
Mixed with the earth

How do you say I want you?

I open my mouth every now and again, waiting
For sounds to generate
For my feelings to sprout up from my gut and reach out and grab you
For all my lost words to suddenly come up from the depths
And wrap you in the contentment I can’t express

How do you say I’ve fallen?

And with the absence of my verses
All there is, is sweet breathing
With each breath, I could strive to verbalize my sentiments
And explain them, verbatim
Or just maybe it’s just your heart, buried too deep to grow

Why should I plant the seed, if you’re not ready to sow?

Until the words find me
Only flesh and flesh can speak
Because the only thing worse than hiding my hunger for more
Is hiding the pleasure we seek